Let’s take a look back: I had my first face-to-face with a shadow figure 43 years ago. I noticed I could sense “strangeness” around me over 30 years ago. In the years between then and now I’ve been pushed, slapped, scratched, burned, chilled, tripped, made ill, and have witnessed, seen and heard almost everything imaginable by unseen forces.
And I keep coming back for more because “ALMOST everything.” But those few things I’ve yet to experience are the things, when I mention them to other people, make me the weird one. Now, those of you thinking naughty stuff, get your minds out of the ectoplasm-filled gutter. Here’s my meaning:
I’m no longer afraid of anything that can happen during an investigation because it has already happened and I know how to deal with each encounter. I don’t over-react, scream “Oh my God, Dude!” or retreat from whatever it is being paranormal.* But I miss that fear. I miss the fight-or-flight adrenaline rush rippling through my body.
Yeah-Yeah, when I see a shadow figure I’m rendered still by fascination, when I hear a voice from nowhere I’m overcome with excitement, and when a bolt of energy rushes through my body after some unseen force passes through me I almost laugh out loud with joy. But I want more!
You may have heard I’m currently creating a horror film, and during production I have been watching a lot of horror. The movies have reminded me of how pure and primal the emotion of fear is. It’s a hardwired emotion like love or joy, and equally as powerful.
In my search for answers to paranormal questions I also crave the fear. I want to be scared. I want to have an encounter that makes me question everything about life and death.
What do I mean? Well, think about horror movies about haunted houses. You know the scene where the person walks into the bathroom, opens the mirrored door on the medicine cabinet, and then closes it to see someone standing right behind them. I WANT THAT. I want to be lifted off the ground. I want to have a chair hurled at me from across the hall. I want to be pulled into a room and have the door slam behind me. And I’m the weird one.
I get these wants aren’t normal, but look at what we do. I’ve given my need for these extreme experience a lot of thought over the years, because IT IS strange to want these things to happen, but I believe it is because of the love and joy I get from the paranormal. I need a fear just as strong that will prove to ME that it’s not all in my head — that my love and want is not just making it happen.
I believe we all do this. We all make things happen. Our brains want us to be happy and they will give us that joy if we are in the right place, both emotionally and physically.
Maybe I’m not the weird one. Or at least not the lone weird one. But I think we all need to want more, work harder for more and do what’s right in the field for more. We need to question our own practices and experiences. We need to reevaluate methods and experimentation. We need to ditch old theories and debunked tired practices and thoughts.
And with that said… I think that there makes me a bit more normal.
* A thing I don’t get, but see a lot: “Investigators” shouting, retreating or going nuts after hearing or seeing something strange. YOU’RE ASKING THEM TO DO SOMETHING! They did it, and now you’re freaking out and racing out the door. If I were a ghost I would be like, what the F man? If you don’t want what you say I’ll just leave you be and keep quiet. No one wants to hang around a spaz. Don’t be a spaz.
Patrick H.T. Doyle
Being out in the middle of nowhere for an extended amount of time gives me time to think. My mind wanders, jumping from thoughts about current theories in the paranormal to new ideas in the hopes of discovering the truth about what we're encountering. These are some of those ideas.